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发表于 2013-4-9 11:53:39
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@纪西子
Today,people are going to pay most of attentions on our health.
Wechange the kind of food we eat, do more exercises, and even try our best toreduce the amount of stress. But which of them will help us the most? For me, Ithink we should stare at the stress. I will explain it in two aspects.
你个熊孩子..but/and不能放句首这种低端错误不准犯了。。
还有单复数—— 我不改你下面的单复数了..
最后两句简单句用and连起来==
As all of them are important parts of our dailylife, they all influence us a lot.
一句句子里all用两次不是不可以 = = 最好改改..
Tohave food which are healthier will give us some substance we usually need.
Andto do more exercise will not only improve our health but also purify our mind.
Butstress often brings negative impact, which is so strong that candestroy the systematical life style we have just built up by change the kind offood we eat and do more exercise.
能简单的句子就简单化啊。。。
Eating healthy food will give us ….
Doing more exercise will.. 能动名词当主语何必用to be+从句呢
之后那句。。太长了把他分开来。。 并在一起比较混乱。。←从句用错
Stress often brings negative impact, which is so strong that can destroythe systematical life style we built. Changing the kind of food we eat anddoing more exercise may help to eliminate or control the stress…
So firstly, stress can cause health problem, which can not be curedeasily.
Toomuch stress makespeople tired but they still have to force themselves to work or learn.
Too much stress是主语——
Soonthey feel headache easily and can not think of anything.
Actually,some kinds of headache even can nor be cured. ????? can’t even becured?
Such as Also the hypertension, which is a kind of disease can never only be controlled but nottotally cured.
Whenpeople force themselves, the pressure of blood quickly increase.
专有名词：blood pressure
And when you feel stressful and sit to workall day without some activities, you may get the obesity caused by sedentary.Some people are likely to eat too muchexcessive food when they haveincrease number of they are stressed, which can this also cause obesity. So howcould you overcome headache, hypertension and obesity easily? Why not just tryto reduce the amount of stress during the daily life?
你。别。再。用。反。问。句。了。
你。句。型。结。构。有。问。题。
Secondly, stress can also make you feel unhappyand don’t want to communicate with people. So you can not hold the socialrelationship during this situation.
=>Stress may lead to unhappy and antisocial problems
Atwork, you may meet trouble in dealing with various matters and communicatingwith boss and workmates.
You may face trouble in various matters and in inadequatecommunication with boss and co-workers
Or at school, you may reduce theefficiency, cause you can only deal with all things with yourself,without any help or cooperation.
Or也不能放句首
Cause不是一个正式的词！！！！
Finally,when you GO(你的动词去哪里了——) backhome, you may anger while facing the family who are caring about you. You feelstressful and angry, and all of these will make the life even worse.
时态啊艾玛！！
When you go back home, you may lose your temper when dealing with familymembers who are care about you, and all of these might make your life evenworse
As the stress will cause such a great number ofproblems both in the body and the mind, why not try to change it?
To dosome activities to reduce the stress, you can avoid all of these occasions youwill never want to face.
结尾可以用大词空话套大道理 2333
你又来了 两句句子之间不可以直接用逗号的… sowhy not…
ð attending/involvingin more activities..
总结
三个点不错 但是用来support的理由有点牵强。。。
还有 你。到。底。有。看。我。上。次。的。回。复。么。
以后不准犯低级错误了（（抽你哦
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