纪西子 发表于 2013-3-17 22:23
交作业_(:3」∠)_ 拖延症没救 随便打了一篇 也没修改_(:3」∠)_
题目是是不是应该减少cooking的时间_(:3 ...
第一段
Nowadaysmore and more technology and robot are created to help people in increasingaspects in our daily life. We don not need to calculate or find information inbooks by ourslves(ourselves) any more.
It’s not we don’t need. Informationis more accessible to us online
Somepeople even think that we may even spend less time on cooking by usethese new technology(technologies).
这一句两个even闹哪样。By+V.ing
But Ithink cooking will take an important part during our daily life foreverand never being unnecessary. Than I will devide my illustration into twoaspects.
强迫症很在意你没有用spell check，注意 sentence fragrance。
but不能用在开头
改成 Some people might think that wemay spend less time on cooking by using new technologies; however, in my ownperspective, cooking plays an important role in our daily life because+reason.
第二段：
Although the new technology actually help us in variousaspects in both our working and daily life, but it can not replace someimportant activities.
Although 和but不能在一句句子里出现
要么是new tech +helps 或者是-ies+help
can not be replaced by ….. ßgive some specificexamples!!!
Duringour studying and working, we save a lot of time by using the computer and manyother facilities.
We have saved a lot of time…. Facility可以换个词 +inour studying and working
Butduring our daily life, to save time may not always be a good idea.
but不能用在开头
这句话和上一句没有转折关系，后半部分需要主语
On the other hand/ however/ though saving time may not always be a goodidea.
↑这里saving time 作主语 => 动名词
第三段
I believe that not only forme, but for most of families, cooking can be a good chance to communicate and shortenthe distance between family members.
Improve the relationship between family members.
So, the time of cooking time can not be shortened, because it's a very important activity for our life which always us to be with our family. In myfamily, dad and mom always cook the meal together, they talk and laugh, then quickly, a brilliantdinner have been cooked.
要么送so 要么用because
Thoughmost of them are made by my dad, I'm sure they have enjoy some fantastic time.
- - 这fantastic time有潜台词么23333
或者帮你改成：Cooking is a very importantactivity to my family. Even though my dad usually is the one to prepare ourfood, during the time my parents cook together, they communicate, shareexperiences and ; therefore, I am prettyconfidence in the fact that spending time to cook has the advantage of makingfamily members closer .
Andtoday dad sometimes asks me to teach me how to cook. Although I just standbeside him and dad talks me about the cooking.
And & although不放句首
Ask me to do = 让你帮忙做什么
My dad recently wants me to learn how to cook even I was just standthere and watch him.
可以加一个你们两个怎么拉近距离的例子 因为之前说道会让人际关系好转
I feel so happy abouthaving such a way to improve our relationship, and, which absolutely helped to prepare make preparation formy future life.
第四段：
Also,cooking is also a significant part of thethis excellent world. For theTo chefs, cooking are is theirlife. They are enjoying in cooking dishes, which are both tastyand pretty. The fully express from the customers motivate them spend more andmore time to create outstanding dishes.
Enjoydoing something,,
Tasty andpretty = delicious and fascinating 这里可以用大词
Fully express是什么意思 = =？
以后不准给我用more and more
=> Customers with blessed expression of enjoyment motivate them tospend more time working on their skills for outstanding dishes.
They looksee cooking as their life, so how could we askthem to spend less time on cooking? Or do you think the dishes which thesechefs have used their mind to they created can not catch the dishes witch the robot just spend a shortperiod of time? The answer has no doubt.
Catch是抓住的意思 我觉得你要表达是超越：exceed transcend overstep surpass surmount
other：_(:з」∠)_
这篇作文你拿去考试 想挂么-_-
其实写托福文章很重要的一点就是调理. 最简单的方式就是用firstof all, secondary, then, finally.. 考官什么的 抓这个还是比较紧的吧..
基础语法有点欠缺，单词什么的【望……
verb.
cook, boil,poach, boil up,preparefood, roast,fever, cook, grill, bake, steam, boil,fry,bake 用词多样化啦！
继续加油吧
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楼主: ❤二姐
发表于 2013-3-17 15:18:27
