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发表于 2015-8-6 22:47:17 | 显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 eeeeeeeeeepeop 于 2015-8-6 22:51 编辑

SnakeMirror 发表于 2015-8-6 22:16
查了资料能写出来也是一种能力的表现啊哈哈
不要在意啊w自己开心就好

而且，我觉得你写的很好
很有风格，句子，变化了很多，跟一般的外国文学，期刊都不一样，怎么说呢我都报纸，除了信息有用外，不喜欢，纯种英语也感觉思维差异太磨人。英文是一种思维方式，你的跟他们的思维方式不一样，，，很不一样这种特点，是从日语来的么，果然宅的人都是很实惠的好人
总之优点
1 . 句子好华丽（既不像美式华而不实句子没意思，又不像英式注重内容，过于亢长干涩）
2 . 看着好舒服好舒服好舒服，赶上母语了咩~~~~

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发表于 2015-8-7 18:34:58 | 显示全部楼层

本帖最后由 eeeeeeeeeepeop 于 2015-8-7 18:45 编辑

I finally understand why Kaoru pretend to be Bill Evans to amuse the others, because they both wear a black plastic frame and Kaoru only need to put up his hair bang.

pretended to be 或once pretended to be
put up his hair bang—keep bangs up，put up his bangs ，

It is also very intereating to hear this song's adpation

interesting

I highly recommend everyone to watch episode 7 even you are not interested in the whole story or the painting style,

even that

This video lies in my favorites collection

favorite collection 或者 collection of favorites

It was absolutely amazing to see these the two boys on the stage and playing so synchronized at such a quick tempo as a impromptu.

改成It was absolutely amazing to see these， the two boys on the stage playing so synchronized at such a quick tempo as a impromptu.

I must tell it a miracle or a strong magnet between them as two unconstrained souls

改成I must tell: a miracle or a strong magnet between them as two unconstrained souls(冒号该逗号也行)

Everyone struggling all their life for what the happiness is

their lifes

wow，改完了
（～￣▽￣～）

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倒数第三句改完之后效果真好！发表于 2015-8-8 21:11

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「風に吹かれても。」

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楼主| 发表于 2015-8-7 22:35:54 | 显示全部楼层

eeeeeeeeeepeop 发表于 2015-8-7 18:34
pretended to be 或once pretended to be
put up his hair bang—keep bangs up，put up his bangs ，
...

谢谢辛苦了！

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发表于 2015-8-7 22:47:45 | 显示全部楼层

SnakeMirror 发表于 2015-8-7 22:35
谢谢辛苦了！

不用谢......
——不对的地方，别客气

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恩恩我明天晚上放假仔细看看要去睡了晚安~ 发表于 2015-8-7 22:48

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「風に吹かれても。」

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楼主| 发表于 2015-8-8 21:13:51 | 显示全部楼层

eeeeeeeeeepeop 发表于 2015-8-7 22:47
不用谢......
——不对的地方，别客气

那个reedland我没改其他他都看着改了
因为和歌词上有一定关系而且有种大片芦苇的感觉【什么鬼
其余的建议我都或多或少地吸取了！
谢谢指正~也谢谢你对于我英文写作的肯定【因为是软肋OTZ
我以后也会勤加练习渐渐形成自己的风格哒

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第一章

——「生まれて、　　　すみません。」

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发表于 2015-8-8 21:26:14 | 显示全部楼层

@ararat-tempest 修改完毕

找位大神来看看最终效果
Plz try not to laugh at my childish writing style

it's the first time I write anime comment in English_(:з」∠)_

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ararat-tempest

so, I think you're snakemirror's allter account, good, I'll give you some comments about this after reading. 发表于 2015-8-8 21:47

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发表于 2015-8-8 21:46:27 | 显示全部楼层

SnakeMirror 发表于 2015-8-8 21:13
那个reedland我没改其他他都看着改了
因为和歌词上有一定关系而且有种大片芦苇的感觉【什么鬼
其余的建 ...

reed beds 怎么样，当时我感觉你可能是一小片长在草地中的，就没有建议用，这样看来芦苇荡也行嘛
好哒好哒，期待你下次的，界冢伊奈帆是你的小号麽

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＜（＾－＾）＞对发表于 2015-8-8 21:52

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发表于 2015-8-8 21:53:32 | 显示全部楼层

Kaoru learns the fun it is to play jazz and finds the first person he can call a real friend.
Kaoru learns that how fun it is playing jazz and finds the first person he can call a real friend.
改成伴随状语行咩，

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楼主| 发表于 2015-8-8 21:56:10 | 显示全部楼层

eeeeeeeeeepeop 发表于 2015-8-8 21:53
Kaoru learns the fun it is to play jazz and finds the first person he can call a real friend.
Kaoru ...

Kaoru learns the fun to play jazz and finds the first person he can call a real friend.

我写的应该是这个啊怎么又出现了it is

估计手滑了

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参与人数 1	宅币 +1	收起理由
eeeeeeeeeepeop	+ 1	你原来的句子感觉很好啊，用的那个how much.

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发表于 2015-8-8 22:09:00 | 显示全部楼层

however, meeting notorious "bad boy" Sentaro Kawabuchi starts to change him, and discovers his jazz soul.
however, meeting notorious "bad boy" Sentaro Kawabuchi starts to change him, and even discovers his jazz soul.
even也没有了，，and even(

)

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第三章

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发表于 2015-8-8 22:12:05 | 显示全部楼层

well, it's been years that I gave a comment on recommendation of animation. most of my time on English is about -core music recommendation.

about jazz, I know some theoretical matters and some definitions about some branches, and I'm pretty into free jazz with no-wave elements and improvisation, especially about drum playing then.
and that adjective word, yeah, "devil-may-care", my first time saw the word, only reminds me of the video game "Devil May Cry" lol. mmm, I could imagine the character you express with this technical word, good job.
then, tiny grammatical errors, "The light glittering on their faces, I could never left it behind my mind. " ya, maybe you know how to fix it right? what about "The light glittered on their faces, and I could never leave it behind my mind."?
"and that was the song called "Moanin'" appearing in Episode 1" → "and that was the song called "Moanin'" appeared in Episode 1".
"It is more civilian than the classicals," → "It is more plebeian than the classicals." the word "civilian" doesn't mean "the thing that is close to people" as far as I know, so I choose another word which contains the meaning you wanna express.
"When talks about childhood sweetheart" → "When talking about childhood sweetheart"
"Then her thought of the things as her favorite" → "Then her thoughts of the things as her favorite"
"a miracle or a strong magnet between them as two unconstrained souls." → "a miracle or a strong magnet between them is like two unconstrained souls."

that's it, hope it could help you. and I know you're gonna take IELTS, so give you a IELTS-like score system.
7/10
not so many advanced words, a little errors, but you really have potentials for writing. keep it up~

...keeping busy

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楼主| 发表于 2015-8-8 22:16:00 | 显示全部楼层

ararat-tempest 发表于 2015-8-8 22:12
well, it's been years that I gave a comment on recommendation of animation. most of my time on Engli ...

I hope next time I can get 7
In fact I only got 6

By the way, this passage is just written for fun

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第三章

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发表于 2015-8-8 22:22:43 | 显示全部楼层

SnakeMirror 发表于 2015-8-8 22:16
I hope next time I can get 7
In fact I only got 6
By the way, this passage is just written f ...

alright, if my students are like you, I'll be at ease......

but it's fun to read your words, I'm not so good at recommendation btw, even music.
what I could do is to show how the music is like, how the bands show to us and what you'll get from them.

if you keep writing something like this, you'll get 7 for sure, cuz IELTS isn't like TOEFL, it's close to life.

um, you could read my recommendation about music here, just some not so much, I post more ever on other sites. http://monochrome-heaven.com/ind ... 45-till-now-in-2014

...keeping busy

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