4天写了4篇narrative essay 的我撒鼻息………………
四篇里把两篇差一点的放在这里当做存档……好的两篇短的送去竞赛了，长的去投稿了_(:з」∠)_
艾玛这篇tension是我4篇里最差的，有种羞耻play的感觉怎么办OTL
总之各位从这里应该能了解到一些美洲这边对作文的要求把o(*￣▽￣*)o
Tension
It was myfirst time performing in a professional violin concert. The director’s courageand warnings stressed me out. Other performers’ buoyant mood contrasted greatlywith my tension. Although I did remember almost everything happened, thistension was the most outstanding part of my memory.
In order totune my violin and have a rehearsal, I arrived at the auditorium three hoursbefore the performance. There were several girls, who were in a higher levelthan me, tuning their violins on the back stage. They were not nervous at all.I could hear them chatting and chuckling even at a long distance. Since I wasnot able to tune myself at that time, I was supposed to ask them to help metune my violin. But I did not. Complicated senses, like admiration, envy andshyness, yelled in my heart and stopped my steps. Also, I was afraid of beinglaughed at by the seniors, although I was sure they were not that kind of meanpeople.
Thehesitation did not continue for a long time. My teacher came and solved myviolin’s problem. She smiled, gave me a hug and tried to encourage me: “Youhave practiced hard, so show me your best!”
Yes,showing my best was the only thing I needed to do in the performance. However,what if I make a mistake? My parents, teacher, and unknown audience would bedisappointed. My teacher’s sentence is still in my head. Show her my best! Howeasy it sounded to be! One mistake could destroy the whole concert, so I shouldremember and understand every detail of the music. In the rehearsal I showedwell, but what if an accident happened in today’s performance? I could not helpcontinuously asking myself these questions. All the answers pointed out thatthere were many possibilities to fail my first performance.
As I wasstupidly stressed myself, there was only half an hour left until the beginningof the concert. I heard somebody ask me if I was okay. I nodded and escapedaway from the person who noticed me without even seeing his face. Hiding in thehallway, which is outside the auditorium, I crunched and flushed my head intomy arms. I wanted to roar but no sound came out. I soliloquized “I am the best”or “I can do it” again and again until I felt better. Standing up, I trotted tothe restroom and stood in the front of a mirror. I forced myself to make a bigconfident smile. In order to have a good effort on the stage, I wore mostformal clothing I had, which included a black long skirt, a white long-sleevedshirt, and a pair of black high-heeled shoes. You were prepared so you shouldperform well, I whispered to the person in the mirror. And then I saw the girl makea funny military salute. She seemed to say, “Yes, sir.”
It was time.
Thedirector appeared on the back stage and spoke to everyone: “I’ve heard asentence; it says ‘The key to winning is poise under stress.’ It istrue. So straighten your back and hold your head high, let’s make a fantasticone.” I heard others answer loudly: “Yes!”
Slowly walkingto the center of the stage, I could feel my sweat dropping down from myforehead. All the lights changed the direction to me, the bright light made myeyes dazzled and the heat of light burned my body. My parents were waving tome. I answered them by a smile, and put up my violin.
I pushedthe bow onto the thin string, questions like “what if the string suddenly breaks”jumped out of my head. With a messy brain, I played the first note.
A harshnoise attacked my ear.
Theauditorium was so quiet that I could hear my heart bumping. I did not continuethe playing but stopped. Apparently, I failed the first note. Knowing myparents and teacher’s expectation, I almost cried. I must find a way torestart. I must smooth over my fault. Rapidly, an idea came out of my head.
I randomlyplayed several open strings so that it sounded like I was tuning. Nobodynoticed any disharmony; the audience was still staring at me with friendlysmile. I knew that it was okay now. Stopped pretending to tune, I made a bow toinform that the music was going to begin. This was the last chance. Cleaning mymind and organizing the messy notes in my memory, I started to perform.
No mistakesand no pauses, the music was fluent and euphonious. I knew I had done a greatjob. After a strong note at the end of the song, I bowed again. I closed myeyes to feel the heat on the stage, and listened to the claps which were givento me. I loved this satisfied feeling.
KellyClarkson has said, “God will never give you anything you can't handle, so don't stress.”If I have prepared it, I should believe in myself. Tension can never help.
以下是老师给的建议：
- The beginning of the narrative is a little slow. - Consider starting closer to the action and slowingdown time. - Using flash-back, or stream-of-consciousness, etc. - Nice conclusion and good suspense. - Great details in the second page.
有空再修改_(:з)∠)_
网上存档完毕我去改要投稿的两篇文_(:з)∠)_
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发表于 2013-3-31 12:17:42
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